Three Things To Think About When Saying "No" Seems Hard
For starters, rejection can be hard. Hearing no can have a direct impact on your self-esteem and understandably so. It's real hard not to take things personal especially with phrases like:
"No, I don't want to date you."
or
"Sorry, but we have decided to go with someone more qualified for the position"
or
"No, I don't have the time for that right now."
or
"No, I can't help you."
Rejection can be uncomfortable but it doesn't mean the end. Receiving a "no" means just that, no. No need to get in your feelings (unless someone is disrespecting you...then that's different.) Just take the no and move on. This should also be our attitude when we are the ones who have to deny a request. Just say no and move on but what happens when we are the ones who have to say no? For some reason (for some of us), it is hard! Like really hard to say no. Don't be the one saying yes just because you want to be agreeable. This type of living is so unhealthy for you and it does more harm than good.
Here are three new thoughts to think when saying no seems to be too difficult.
Thought #1: I will honor myself.
Be confident in knowing that it is okay to honor you! Show yourself some respect. Chances are if you're scared to say no to someone, you are likely worried about how they will take the news. But, why say yes to something that you don't internally agree to? Why go against yourself and your own best interest? It is okay to go with your gut feeling. Plus, in the end you'll feel better about yourself and there will be no feelings of regret tugging at your conscience.
Thought #2: Being assertive isn't a bad thing.
If you need to make your point do just that. Your "no" can come across without malice and spite. Just be direct and don't confuse assertiveness for aggression. There is a clear difference in saying:
"Kimberly, I told you the last time you asked for money, it would be the last time! Don't ask me again!" and in saying "No Kim, I can no longer lend you money." Gems, please understand that saying "no" is okay and it doesn't make you a monster.
Thought #3: Don't worry, it'll be okay!
No seriously, chill. Drop the anxiety and drop the guilt. Saying no to a request made doesn't mean you are destroying someone's world. Don't believe the hype your anxiety is trying to sell you. Say it with me, "No." Now breathe whew...that was kind of easy huh?
Please note: This article is not for those who are already straight shooters. Relax, I know for some this isn't a problem. This is for my Gems who are out there and are unhappy with the decisions they made because it was too hard to say no. Gems, choose you! It's okay.
